If I Die Today

Image by Sammie Chaffin on Unsplash

If I die today, I want it to be known

That this man loved fiercely and kindly and consistently,

He loved on each day of his life with vigor,

And felt a little melancholy in the night.

When sleep wouldn't come he would question,

Was love worth all this work?

Was his life worthy of Time?

Yet he would wake again and love again,

Sometimes a little bitterly,

Waiting for the crumbs of love that would fall his way.

Waiting like an eager dog or pathetic beast.

Questioning

If he retired into himself,

And became that avoidant, anxious child,

Would the love still be there?

Yearning for someone to speak his tongue -

A phantom in his mind.

For a momentary crescendo everyday, she would appear not a ghost,

Whispering, caressing, from the future,

Then the music dies down and she fades away.

But he holds onto hope,

And he dares to believe in love,

For the wisdom and the warmth of it has lightly graced his skin

Through the netting under the sky.

Still questioning,

But knowing no other way to live.

Perhaps I could take comfort in the fact

That I always lived with as much love as I could muster

And everyday I gave myself a little morsel of it

Until I had enough inside to feed someone else

Even as I die the hollowed heart will wail,

Crying for the phantom,

But I will know that I did my best to love myself.